The Melancholy of Kida Masaomi
by Almond Pudding
Summary: Kida has realized that his best friend has fallen off of the straight path, and it's probably his job to fix this! Although ending his elopement prematurely seems to be harder than expected? Guys/Mikado/more guys. Mikado's search for love begins!
1. Kida considers getting up

**Disclaimer:** As you all probably already know, I don't own Durarara!

**Warning:** This takes place post anime, and will include novel characters! So basically, there may be spoilerific content! I've only read up to volume 6 of the novel though, so if you're there, past there, or just don't care, I guess it's fine.

**Warning 2:** I think some characters might get a bit OOC! And also of course this story has guy/guy love, so watch out! Also, this story's a comedy, so there's gonna be a lot of peculiar and wacky things going on! Probably. Even I don't really know.

This is my first fic since I was in middle school, so I hope it's enjoyable~ And just to let you know, I'm not in middle school anymore. ;)

EDIT: Grammar and spelling errors all fixed now! Hurrah!

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><p>Kida sat still in his chair, staring intently at the laptop screen. So intently that it seemed his eyes might pop out at any minute. Arms wrapped around him softly and he let out a long sigh.<p>

"Saki…I don't know what to do anymore…"

"Oh Masaomi, what's the matter? Your friend in trouble again?" Saki murmured the words softly against his ear, slowly caressing his shoulders with the tips of her fingers.

All Kida did in reply was sigh again. "I…I think Mikado's in trouble. I should be there! I should be trying to protect him!" A troubled expression crossed his face as he continued to absently stare at the computer screen.

"Why don't you go and check up on him then?" This was probably the eighteenth time Saki had suggested for Kida to return to Ikebukuro, but for some reason the boy was just dead set on always finding some kind of loop hole in his own logic to prevent him from returning.

"This…This probably isn't something I'd really be able to help by showing up! I should've been there since the beginning…" Kida grimaced at his own uselessness.

"Why don't you just go and see what you can do? It's no good just to give up now, Masaomi." Saki leaned her head against his back. She always enjoyed leaning close against him, but for some reason Kida always responded with spacey comments or negative thoughts. It was all good though, since no matter what happened, Kida was still always adorable and lovable.

Kida continued his sighs and staring off into great distances. "I don't even know what I'd say if I met him now. I've been gone so long, I'd just be interrupting his peaceful life! Although…hmm, maybe I would be able to help right now if I just—no! I can't do it. I'd just be hurting him more."

At this point Saki was hugging him very closely, nuzzling against the crook of his neck. "What's the problem this time anyways, Masaomi?"

Silence filled the room. Saki could practically feel the aura of troubling feelings that emanated from Kida's forlorn form. Kida shifted a little. "Well…you know how I'm in the same chatroom as Mikado?"

"Mmhm."

"Well…I think...I feel Mikado's troubled lately by something. I feel he's…he's found a new crush besides Anri-chan!" Sweat slipped down from Kida's forehead. He was definitely very worried about this turn of events.

"Maybe he's just realized she's not for him or something."

"That can't be! Anri and Mikado…they are MADE for each other! I can tell these things, Saki." Kida turned to Saki, his face gleaming with the face of confidence.

"Hmm, well if you say so, Masaomi. Maybe that means you should return to Ikebukuro to figure out what's up." She smiled sweetly at him.

The sweetness of her smile shot right over his head. Kida turned back to his screen and said, "Saki. I…I feel returning wouldn't help Mikado."

"Hmm, well if you say so, Masaomi." She nuzzled against him some more, and the two both continued a long and comfortable silence.

* * *

><p>Ryuugamine Mikado stood in his room, staring out of his window at the sunlight that broke through the leaves, scattering bits of light on various branches and walls. He breathed out a long sigh.<p>

The fact was that Mikado had a dilemma. A great dilemma. However the dilemma was not one to be solved easily, as its root had taken its place deep within the boy's young heart. You see, Mikado had started to come to the belief that he may not actually like girls. Of course that sounded quite impossible, but the thing was, Mikado had never actually thought about being with a boy before, so his opinions from back when he was on the straight path were probably a bit biased and judged a bit unfairly. Of course none of this really made much sense, but a variety of thoughts like these whirled through his mind.

One could say he was distressed and all this was just some sort of teenage phase, but Mikado knew better than that! Recently he, against his better judgment, had found a _man _of all things "attractive" as one may put it. Normally it wouldn't even be _possible _much less _plausible_, but somehow...it happened anyways.

All his life, or more like all his Ikebukuro life, Mikado had thought that his ideal partner would be a nice, quiet girl about his age. Maybe with glasses and...short black hair would be preferred. It'd be a huge plus if she was well endowed and of course she would come across as a studious person, though she'd have compassion that would make all her friends love her, no matter how mysterious at times she might be! This kind of girl, Mikado would die to have by his side 'til he withered of old age. But alas...perhaps that wouldn't happen at the rate things were going. It was all because of that incident from a few days back. That incident! When Mikado had beheld-

A tune echoed throughout Mikado's barrenly decorated room. He pulled his cell out of his pocket and turned off its alarm. He stared thoughtfully at his phone screen before hurriedly putting it away. If he kept staring and pondering like this, he'd be late for school! Good thing he'd set that alarm, although seeing that image did make him recall some probably unwanted memories. Why did he put that picture as his cell background anyways. Aaagh this is no time for thinking pointless stuff! School awaits!

Unlike usual, Mikado started the day with a delicious meal of seafood flavored instant noodles. He didn't have time to cook up something more healthy, so why not indulge in the easy stuff just for today. Although it was true he did have instant noodles for breakfast yesterday. And the day before that too. Mikado really had to stop the whole flashbacks in the morning thing or he'd really die of some kind of instant noodle disease. Though there were more important issues to deal with right now besides thinking like this! Something like finishing his noodles! So he put his mind to that.

By the time he was walking out the door, Mikado had decided for himself to forget his troubles. Just because his mind had reacted to something in a way it probably shouldn't be reacting to, that didn't mean he had stepped off the straight path. Though when Mikado really thought about it, he didn't really want to be on a straight everyday guy path! However he did when it came to sexual preferences of course.

...For some reason this weird coinciding of ideas troubled the young lad. To be on one straight path and off of another. There were too many kinds of paths that could be referred to metaphorically.

"Sempaaaaai!"

Mikado turned to see one of his underclassmen running at him. He was a bit baffled to be honest. "Ah, Aoba-kun? What're you doing here?"

"I wanted to walk with you to school, of course!" The shorter boy showed his signature smile! So charming, yet so ineffective against Mikado. "You left your house earlier than expected, sempai! Do you have some sort of plans before school?"

"Um, no." Mikado had more important issues to deal with besides his incredibly suspicious underclassman. He thought for a second before continuing, "I guess I set my alarm too early or something."

"Hmm, you aren't usually so spacey, sempai! Well you are sometimes, but not usually when it comes to getting up too early." Aoba's plan of the 'at the door surprise kouhai' was ruined due to Mikado's leaving early today! Although, there was a reason for everything, so Mikado's getting up early definitely must have had some kind of intricate reason behind it!

Mikado sighed. Ever since the whole Blue Squares thing, he felt that Aoba had been showing up around him more than usual. Not that that was really bad or strange or anything, seeing as how they'd just met recently, but still. At times when Mikado was having an internal crisis, he just wanted to be left alone by people like Aoba, who turned out to be surprisingly nosy in Mikado's affairs.

Aoba continued his analysis of Mikado's issue as the two headed towards school. His thoughts ranged from "is this some personal conflict pertaining to his love for Sonohara-san?" to "he's meeting some suspicious individual before school who has blackmail on him!" Though obviously most of his thoughts consisted of varieties of "that Orihara bastard must've done something to him!" and "maybe that Orihara fucking Izaya looped him up into some sort of insidious plot!"

Eventually Aoba turned to Mikado and attempted to look him in the eye. Mikado was busy spacing out again though. "Uh, Mikado-sempai?" A tug to the sleeve would do the trick.

"Uh? Huh, what." Mikado looked down at Aoba. What'd he want.

"Well, if anything's happened and I can help, feel free to ask! And don't forget you have all of us at command too!" Perhaps words like these would cheer Mikado into a more readable mood.

Alas Mikado only stared. "Yeah I know." He then turned back to concentrate on walking. Making sure he didn't trip on anything maybe? Aoba was sure he was just thinking about his issue. This issue...of which Aoba knew absolutely nothing. Now Aoba had a great dilemma at hand as well. Why didn't he stalk Mikado the past few days, why. Just because he'd felt he didn't need to doesn't mean he shouldn't have! A lesson was learned today.

Disappointingly for Aoba, upon their arrival at school, Mikado did not have any meeting with suspicious individuals. In fact, he just headed for class like normal, without any signs of suspicious activity. Aoba supposed that Mikado's dilemma was much more...intricate and was probably...something emotional perhaps? Perhaps this was an issue with Sonohara after all.

Also sadly for Aoba, Mikado told him to go to his own class and stop tailing him. Mikado sighed some more. He was the first in his class, as expected for getting here too early. He sat in his seat and stared out the window for a while, before taking out his cellphone from his pocket. When he opened it up, the background image lit up. It was the form of a slim person with long black hair standing beside Mikado himself. To Mikado, this person came across as pretty, elegant, and demure in appearance, although of course at this point he knew it was all a lie. There was a story behind this photo, and Mikado decided it was time to recall it in a flashback-like manner to pass the time before class started.

* * *

><p>It was just a normal day that day a few days ago...so normal...yet so abnormal. Though Mikado liked abnormal of course. Not that he had to really persuade himself or anything! Hmm, anyhow, he was enjoying a normal day. Mikado recalled that he was on a beautiful outing with the most perfect girl his eyes had ever beheld. Although he usually spent after-school with Sonohara-san, this day was special, since he'd invited her this time. The invitation had gone something like this:<p>

_"Aah, S-S-Sonohara-san!"_

_"Yes, Mikado-kun?"_

_"Ah, there's no school tomorrow right? Let's go...out somewhere together! To...uh spend some time...on an outing! To...look...at...the city...! Yes that's right."_

_"Um...alright."_

To Mikado, it was an invitation to be proud of, seeing as it was successful. Well anyhow, so the date, no..._outing together_, went splendidly. Up until it became very peculiar that is.

The poor young Mikado had witnessed the most shocking revelation in his life that day. That day, he and the lovely Sonohara were walking down your everyday Ikebukuro street. She happened to be wearing a cap, and the wind happened to be a tad strong that evening, so of course that hat would have to go flying eventually. When it first blew off the beautiful young maiden's head, Mikado had to cry out! He had to make chase! He had to grab that hat as if his life depended on it. Alas upon his approach of the street corner, he collided headlong into a long haired woman.

He fell onto his rear end, and when he opened his eyes, he saw her. She had also fallen over, and had a dismayed look on her face. Her hair was a long black, a similar color to Sonohara's, and she had deep brown eyes that looked slightly red in the light, a similar color to Sonohara's, although this woman had a figure much slimmer in certain areas compared to the divine bespectacled classmate, as well as having an entirely different face structure, but the fact was that Mikado had to slap himself for comparing another female to his ideal Sonohara Anri-san.

Soon enough Mikado came to his senses. "Um, are you alright?" He said to the mysterious woman while standing up. The woman seemed to be having issues getting back up, so Mikado reached out his hand in a helpful matter. The woman however ignored it, proceeding to stand up on her own.

"..king heels..." she mumbled under her breath. She eventually was standing on both feet again, although her expression told Mikado that she wasn't planning to stay very soon.

"Say cheese!" piped an unfamiliar voice. Mikado turned around and saw a small flash, blinding him momentarily. There stood a young girl with red glasses in some kind of school uniform, holding up a cellphone. Mikado's cellphone. Wait what. Mikado checked his pockets...and they were empty.

The girl handed the phone back to him before tugging at the mysterious woman's arm. The woman was not amused. "Uh, huh?" said Mikado, who had no clue what was going on. "Uh, you shouldn't just go taking people's phones from their pockets." Now that he looked at the weird glasses girl, he could've sworn that he'd seen her somewhere before. But where.

"Oh it's okay, since I put it back right? Well now you have a little gift in there thanks to me~ A lovely picture of you with Iza—ahem, I mean, onee-chan~"

Another girl emerged into Mikado's line of vision, identical to the glasses one, except this one was bustier and was more bloomerful. Er, she was wearing bloomers. It was a strange sight to see in broad daylight and in the middle of the city. "Grateful (You should be grateful for that photo)," she said. Mikado couldn't understand what point she was trying to get across. Although...he could've sworn he'd seen this girl somewhere before too. Unless he'd only seen one and their twinness had caused his mind to malfunction a little.

As Mikado was a bit confused at this moment, he decided to turn to Sonohara-san. Only to find that she had quite the perplexed look on her face. She was staring straight at the long haired woman. "Sonohara-san?" Mikado reached towards her.

"Aaaaah!" The glasses girl feigned shock. "Don't tell me you've seen through the disguise!"

"Impossible (That's just preposterous)." The bloomers girl seemed dismayed.

"Huh what?" Mikado just had no idea what was going on.

"Can't you even tell?" asked the glasses girl, "you should be a bit more observant, sempai."

"What should I be observing?" Mikado was still just confused.

"That this pretty onee-san here is actually that Izaya guy in drag."

"Wait what."

Mikado was in shock. That pretty onee-san, er, that Izaya in drag, also seemed to be a bit shocked, probably not having expected Mairu to reveal his identity so readily like that.

The two twins stared at Mikado for a few seconds.

The bloomer one said, "Shock (He seems pretty surprised)."

The glasses one said, "Haha~! Oh god, that look on your face-! Iza-nii you must be soo embarassed! Hahaha!"

But for some reason, even though Mikado had at this moment in his line of sight both his ideal girl and this older man in drag, for some reason he still found Izaya pretty. In fact the idea seemed almost _thrilling_ in his mind.

And that's why, at the recalling of this moment, Mikado bashed his head against his desk a bit too hard.

"Kyaaa!"

He thought he heard a scream in the corner of his mind. He must be dreaming again...

Thunk.

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><p>End of chapter 1<p>

I'll write chapter two as soon as I get to it~ Hope you guys all enjoy it so far. Review if you feel like it!


	2. Kida fails to get up

Agh, I'm going to try to make less spelling/grammar errors this time. I feel stupid.

Anyhow, chapter two is here~! Hope it's better than the first one. I swear the story's slowly building up to the exciting adventure part! Though I'm just winging it as I go, so we'll see. :P

Also it seems the story's getting a littly cracky. Haha. Hope that doesn't detract from the enjoyment levels. :)

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><p>Mikado opened his eyes, only to find himself lying on the bed in the nurse's office. And beside him he saw...what seemed like an angel.<p>

"S-Sonohara-san!" Mikado's eyes widened! What on earth was she doing here?

The bespectacled maiden gave a soft smile and said, "Mikado-kun! I'm glad you're alright! When I came into class this morning, it seemed you had been hit by something! You were lying on the ground, and I was so worried." Her smile faded into a small frown.

"You don't have to worry about me! I'm just fine! As you can see, haha." Mikado gave a nervous laugh and scratched behind his neck, though he then noticed that something was tied around his head. "Um...oh right. I think I knocked my head on my desk, so...I guess I fell unconscious? Haha."

"You knocked yourself out?" Sonohara-san showed shock on her face, though her expression soon returned to that of a beautiful smile. "Well at least you're alright."

Mikado laughed some more. He was positive that he'd probably made a bad impression on his diva here, but that probably wasn't what was most important at the moment. What was most important was that he had to figure this out, did finding a man in drag attractive count as being gay, or being tricked? That was the main issue here. And it was an issue that he couldn't consult with Sonohara-san. In truth, he had vaguely discussed the matter with Masaomi online the other day, but he'd been unable to really bring up the main point. The issue was just too...too _wrong_! Although Mikado fully understood that Masaomi would probably have a field day if he saw _that photo_.

Anyhow, that was enough of that. Mikado had much better things to do than to re-imagine Orihara-san in drag. Much much much better things. Like talking with Sonohara-san! Yes yes, that was an excellent plan.

"So, Sonohara-san...I guess we can return to class now!" He stood up off the bed and stretched out his arms. They felt pretty stiff, so he must've been out for quite a while.

Sonohara-san laughed a little in that cute way of hers. "Oh but Mikado-kun, actually right now is lunch break."

"Wait, really?" Shock. He was out that long?

"And it seems you had a lot of blood loss, so the nurse said you shouldn't try to move around too much for a while."

Mikado was torn between being distressed by how seriously he'd hurt himself and being in awe by the strength of his own head slamming skills. Maybe he could kill someone with such an impact! Not that he was planning on trying this anytime soon.

"Well I suppose we should just go eat lunch then! Why don't we go to the roof as usual?"

"Hmm, well actually, I already finished my lunch before you woke up. I'll still accompany you though, Mikado-kun."

For some reason Sonohara-san's words didn't do much good for Mikado. So far the day didn't seem to be so bright for him.

* * *

><p>By the time school ended, Sonohara-san had already rejected Mikado on an after-school school play date. Of course it was only because she was a little busy today, but the rejection still hurt Mikado. It definitely didn't help for his dilemma either.<p>

Usually when in times of need, Mikado would just as Masaomi for advice! But in this case, he just wasn't able to. Not that he wanted to interrupt his best friend's little outside escapade with his girlfriend either. Second option was to ask Orihara-san for help! But in this case, he definitely wasn't the one Mikado should be getting advice from. There was really only one real answer for who Mikado should seek out. The best counselor!

[So what was it you wanted to talk about?]

"Um well, you see..." Mikado twiddled his thumbs a little. He wasn't sure if Celty-san was the best person to be asking, but at the rate things were going she was probably the best choice. "This is about something that happened to me the other day! It's...uh, something about liking. Y'know, liking people." The conversation was already spiraling into an embarrassing direction.

[Liking people? Didn't you like Anri-chan?]

Celty-san was just getting more absorbed in the conversation by the second, it seemed.

"Um well, of course I like Anri-chan haha, but well," Mikado took a deep breathe, "a few days ago I saw Orihara-san dressed like a beautiful lady and I feel like I don't know my own preferences anymore."

[Izaya was crossdressing? I never thought that would ever happen!]

[But if you saw him dressed as a woman, shouldn't that mean you still prefer girls? I don't understand the problem.]

Mikado sighed. This would be hard to say. "Well you see, Celty-san...it wasn't the fact that I mistook him for a woman...it's the fact that after I learned it was Orihara-san, I suddenly...I..."

[Yes?] Celty couldn't stand the suspense.

"I...my heart rate must have increased tenfold! My blood all rushed to my head! It was like meeting Sonohara-san for the first time ALL OVER AGAIN." Mikado collapsed with his face in his hands. "I'm scared, Celty-san. I'm afraid."

Mikado could feel Celty-san's hand on his shoulder. She was probably trying to show him some more messages, but he was too busy placing his face in his hands to see it.

Eventually he looked up, first seeing [Don't worry! I'm sure this whole thing will just pass!] in front of him. He laughed a little, but it wasn't all that convincing.

He sat still for a second and just thought. Concentrated on the situation at hand. To Mikado, Orihara Izaya was just that friendly information broker who knew everything about everything. Mikado had never really thought about him in _that _kind of way before, but after the incident, it almost seemed too easy. Orihara-san dressed as a girl did make quite the impact, but it only made Mikado realize that Orihara-san was _always _that attractive. Mikado had only never really realized it before. In fact, why shouldn't Mikado find a man like Orihara-san attractive? He was the head of the Dollars for crying out loud, he could do whatever he wants. You know what? Mikado wanted a life of action. A life of exhilaration. A life that was _different._ And finding guys attractive sometimes was definitely not wrong! In fact it must be _right_. What else could it be.

Mikado stood up very quickly and shouted, "Celty-san! I understand now! I understand everything!" He looked at his palms as if the answer to the world's greatest mystery lay right there before him.

Celty-san looked at him confused. [So you've solved your problem?]

Mikado grasped her hands in his and looked her straight in the helmet visor. "That's right Celty-san. I think it's all clear now. I must be...bisexual."

Celty-san stood silently. She must've been very confused by how exactly he came to such a conclusion.

"In fact, if I want to be more abnormal, the first step should be to find a mysterious love. I should pursue this 'LOVE'!"

Celty-san took a step back, as if to say "what on earth are you talking about?"

However Mikado was not to be deterred. In fact he was probably drugged up on a high of adrenaline at this point from his new discovery. "I need courage!" he yelled to himself. "I can do this! I can become a _real _member of Ikebukuro! I can live up to my name Dragon Peak Emperor!" He then dropped what he was doing and ran out the door.

All Celty could feel from this new turn of events was worry.

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><p>Was it wrong that Mikado had decided to pursue a new love other than the goddess of his dreams? Mikado couldn't help but wonder if this was a folly or not. But the fact still stood that being a bit experimental was probably the best for trying to become one with the stranger crowd of Ikebukuro. "I'll just give this my best shot!" he said aloud to himself. Perhaps this little experiment will all end in failure and Sonohara Anri will remain as his destined partner.<p>

Mikado swallowed and focused his mind. He was still not so sure about this new path in life he'd suddenly jumped onto, but he was intent on conforming into a true Ikebukuroite! A true mafioso badass. Although most Ikebukuroites were probably not this, Mikado was the founder of the Dollars. He also got free control over the Blue Squares from Aoba! Least he can do is become a l337 son of a bitch. Or something like that.

His first goal was to set things straight with Orihara-san! No, Izaya! That's right, they've known each-other for quite some time now! It's about time they were on a first name basis, right?

The door to Izaya's office slammed open and Mikado stormed in.

Izaya turned towards him in his spinny chair. "Aah, Mikado-kun! What brings you here?"

Mikado approached the desk and softly placed his hands on the table. "Orihara-san! I came to ask you some questions!"

"Ahaa, really now Mikado-kun. So what's the question? Shoot." Izaya glanced at Mikado before looking back at some papers he held. He also pushed up his glasses a little.

Mikado was a bit distracted for a second. "Um, Orihara-san...I didn't know you wore glasses! For some reason, I think they really suit you."

Izaya chuckled, "Did you just come to compliment me Mikado-kun?"

"Uh, no. I just wanted to know if I can just call you Izaya. And why you were in drag a few days ago."

There was a bit of an awkward silence before Izaya said, "Well if you'd like you can call me by first name. And about the other thing...it never happened."

"But I even have a pictu-"

"It never happened so hand me the phone please." Izaya stretched out his hand, motioning for Mikado to give him the phone.

Mikado paused. He knew this was it. This was his first trial as a real badass. If he couldn't do this, he was as good as some hick self-proclaimed country farmer who didn't even own any land. He lifted his hands again, but this time, placed them down on the table with a SLAM. "HELL NO, IZAYA!" he bellowed, a bit desperately but it was a good try.

Izaya arched an eyebrow.

Mikado started sweating a bit. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea...NO. If he kept this wimp attitude, he'd never amount to anything! Much less a badass mafioso! "Izaya...san, I think you look hot in a skirt, so I'm keeping this picture whether you like it or not." It still felt awkward to say just 'Izaya' but Mikado knew this was a step he had to take.

A snort was heard from the back of the office, but Mikado decided that it wasn't important. What was important was that Mikado got what he wanted. "Now tell me why you were in drag or I'm mailing this photo to Shizuo-san."

Izaya seemed perturbed. "Er, Mikado-kun...you can't be serious." Mikado's sudden personality change was a little surprising. But since this is Izaya we're talking about, of course he wouldn't be perturbed by this or something. He quickly recovered. "Well if you're so dying to know, I suppose I'll tell you."

Was it a hobby after all? Curiosity burned in Mikado's young teenage mind. At this point his gaze was practically burrowing into Izaya's eyes. Izaya then broke contact by looking a little bit to the left.

"Well, I have two sisters you see, and being the good older brother I am, I do my best to please them sometimes. I didn't know that the results would be so appealing to you as well though. I suppose I still have room for improvement in my job." Izaya spun once in his chair.

"To be honest, Izaya," Mikado paused before continuing, "...san. I think...I think you're really attractive. I think I've always found you attractive. Like, smoking hot levels of attracting."

In truth Izaya was feeling quite shocked. Or more like slightly shocked. He'd seen quite a few surprises in his life, but he had never been told he was hot by some high schooler he'd stalked before.

Another snort came from the back of the office. Izaya wasn't amused, but he had more serious matters to deal with at the moment. "If you find me so attractive does that mean you're interested in me, Mikado-kun? Because I'm sorry to say that-" Izaya paused mid-sentence. Mikado was chugging a thermos full of what looked like coffee. Black coffee.

The thermos clattered on the floor as Mikado leaned himself onto the desk. "Izaya, I just wanted to say that I'm trying to be open-minded for once. My eyes have been opened and I think I've understood that to be a real badass, I'm going to have to make you mine whether you like it or not." He then grabbed Izaya by the collar and kissed him. Hard. And he stuck his tongue in too. Izaya had no idea what the hell was going on anymore.

By the time Mikado had stopped, Izaya felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. He was confused and flustered. From the looks of that bandage wrapped around Mikado's head, he had probably recieved severe head trauma earlier and was currently out of his mind. Either that or he was high on coffee. Or both. That kiss was just way too good and way too French to be from a kid with virgin lips like Mikado. He wanted to ask, but all that came out was, "What the fuck." His snarky poker face was shattered.

Mikado confidently looked him in the eye, and he knew. He knew what was on Izaya's mind, and he knew what to say in reply. "I paid off Karisawa-san with a life-sized model of Utena to give me advice and intense training." Surprisingly, Karisawa-san's foresight was incredibly accurate, and Mikado decided that this assault was a success.

Izaya quickly made his best attempt to regain his composure. Though the first thing in his mind was when Erika had become a professional tutor in French kissing. After the thought came and went, he made an attempt to speak, but was still at a loss for words. Despite his ethereal beauty, he'd never actually been assaulted like this before. He'd usually either deflected the attack, or it was just consensual to begin with, but this. This was just...just weird. "Um," he finally said.

"This isn't the end! I'll be back," replied Mikado dramatically. He then dashed out the door, leaving behind a confounded Izaya and a thoroughly amused Namie in the back.

* * *

><p>By the time Mikado reached home, he was incredibly red in the face. He couldn't believe he actually went through with that whole scenario. In fact, he couldn't believe that he spent so much of his savings just to be taught how to make people's knees buckle. Although...that kind of skill would probably come in handy in life, wouldn't it.<p>

Well anyhow, Mikado decided that regardless of how embarrassing today was, it was probably a successful step towards his goal of becoming a 'badass mafioso'. He'd even subscribed to _Badass Monthly_ to get the latest tips on how to be pure awesome 24/7.

For a moment Mikado thought that perhaps he should stick with pestering Izaya for now, but no. An open mind is an Ikebukuroian mind. Tomorrow will be a new day. New goals. And new prospects. Mikado knew that he would be needing to replace the thermos he forgot at Izaya's and quickly restock on his coffee supply. That stuff sure helped to boost confidence. Or at least Mikado liked to think that it did. Whatever the point was, _Badass Monthly_ said black coffee was the way to go, so black coffee it would be.

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><p>End of chapter 2!<p>

Haha yeah. This is what I get when I wing things. Well whatever!


	3. Kida takes a few steps towards the door

FINALLY AN UPDATE! Yaaaay! Well here's chapter 3! Things are getting pretty funky now, huh. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I'm probably just releasing all of my inner fujoshi in one go, huh.

This chapter isn't proofread yet (and maybe it never will be!) so just erase any mistakes you find from your mind!

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><p>It was a new day, and Mikado knew that it was his duty to accomplish the next goal on his list. Not that he had a list, but it would do good to make one! He grabbed his notebook from his schoolbag and flipped to a page near the back. There he started writing the names of most of the people he knew. The more he wrote though, the more he felt a bit that his mission was a bit odd.<p>

He breathed a long sigh as he leaned back against the wall. "I can't believe I actually did it...," he mumbled to himself. He then drew a check mark next to Izaya's name. He then added a small circle after. Mikado decided that for each individual he's dealt with, he'd check them off! And if the attempt didn't seem too hopeless, he'd add a circle. After doing what he did to Izaya, Mikado felt a bit...different inside. He couldn't tell if it was the blooming of a new love, but he did know that more research was required to see if he really did prefer men over women. Though the main point here was that he needed to be able to do this if he really wanted to be a suitable gang leader!

The more he thought about it, the more Mikado became confused about what the hell he was actually doing. So he would just stop thinking about it! Attack a mission without second thoughts! Doubts are for wimpy losers! And Mikado was no loser, that's for sure. And he was going to prove it.

He quickly scarfed down a good breakfast of rice and eggs, and dressed himself in his best casual wear: a jacket and jeans. He made sure his head bandage was correctly secured and put on his only sneakers. It was time to complete a mission, and nothing would stop him!

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><p>"Karisawa-san! Are you sure this is a good idea?"<p>

"Of course! If you keep acting like a normal little uke then you're always gonna stay as Mikapon, rather than a super Ryuugamine-sama!" Karisawa-san nodded to herself as she stuck another chip into her mouth.

"You think so?" Mikado was unsure of himself. As usual.

"See here, that attitude is the first thing you should try getting rid of! What kind of demon overlord mafioso crime boss has a kind of meek personality like that? At the rate you're going, you're gonna get raped before you can even rape!"

"Um, Karisawa-san, I don't think I have those kinds of intentions.."

"I'm talking about _attitude_, young man. If you have the _ability to_, it's as good as having done it! And what every mafioso crime boss demon lord can do is be able to take advantage of any plebian that crosses his path!" Karisawa-san nodded to herself again.

"Ah, but-"

"NO BUTS!" She stood up with a stomping of her feet. "You paid me for advice right? And I'm sure you know I'm the most well versed person around when it comes to how to be a badass. I've seen all the animes. _All of them. _So I know what it takes to be a real master of minds."

Mikado gulped. At times Karisawa-san could be really inspirational! "You're right! I...I've doubted myself again. This calls for more intensive training, I know. What should I do next, Sensei!"

Karisawa-san paced around a bit and whistled a little to herself. "Next you'll need a more difficult task. Izaya was an easy one, since I know he's always been one of the easier to take...but next you're gonna be needing a harder level! Mikado! Are you prepared!" She pointed dramatically at Mikado. Mikado was already sweating from her fierce gaze.

"I'm ready! What kind of mission is it?" He was sweating bucket loads at the suspense.

"Well," started Karisawa-sensei, "I think next you should tackle...oh I know." An ominous grin crossed her face. "You should tackle YUMASAKI!"

"Y-Y-Y-Y-Yumasaki-san! I haven't even spoken to him very much though!"

"Well you haven't spoken to me any less, and we french kissed yesterday."

"But that was...uh...huh," Mikado didn't really have a good come back for this one, so he decided to fall back for now.

"If you can't even molest an acquaintance, how do you think you're gonna be able to command legions of strangers? As I've been saying, this is just another step of training in your quest to become a real leader! Seriously, if you plan on becoming the baddest badass of Ikebukuro, you're gonna have to surpass me one of these days, y'know?"

Upon hearing those words, Mikado knew that Sensei here was right. He'd have to swallow his pride this time...no that wasn't it. He'd have to destroy his current pride...and reconstruct it as something completely different! An entirely new, more powerful pride! Something he could really be proud of! He'd become the most manipulative of manipulators and most persuasive of persuaders! He would become the new Demon Lord of Ikebukuro!

"There he comes now! Get 'im, young warrior!"

As Yumasaki noticed Karisawa-san and Mikado staring at him, he felt something was up. And in fact, something _was_ up. Since at that moment Mikado grabbed him by the shoulder and pinned him against the wall.

"What." He was confused. He was very confused.

"Yumasaki-san," whispered Mikado softly into Yumasaki-san's ear, "I know we haven't spoken too many times, but I feel I can't hold myself back any longer..."

Yumasaki-san was still confused. Karisawa-sensei was only glad that Mikado seemed to have done his homework in reading "1,000,000,000 Words to Capturing Hearts: BL Edition". It was another matter entirely if the book was actually for educational purposes or just entertaining reading.

"Ah, Mikado-kun...d-don't tell me...," Yumasaki-san was probably realizing his situation. And proably realizing what caused it as well, seeing that Karisawa-san wasn't too far away. Although seeing as how things were going, "...you can't be serious...right?"

"I'm very serious." Mikado put on his serious business face. He then proceeded to brush Yumasaki-san's hair out of his eyes.

Even though Yumasaki was always the type to place women before men when it came to thoughts of love, the uncharacteristic gaze Mikado gave him made him feel like a shoujo protagonist, if only for a second. He was mostly uncomfortable with the situation. When it came down to it, he was a man, and that meant that no matter the circumstances, he would prefer Nill to Haine.

Although the way Mikado slowly breathed down his neck made him recall the times he had silently agreed with Karisawa-san's claims on Haine's hotness. Perhaps he's been single one year too many.

Karisawa-san smirked at the scene, realizing that at this rate, her inner demons would probably come pouring out as long as she kept Mikado under her wing. She also got many doujin ideas from seeing Mikado practically eat Yumisaki's face. That was a very delightful scene. Karisawa could practically feel the inspiration on her skin.

Upon releasing his grip, Yumisaki slid against the wall to the floor. He was breathing heavily, and Mikado was too, much to his dismay. He still had some leveling up to do, as breathlessness was a weakness as an attacker! "Walker-san, I'll be seeing you again," he said quietly. He then turned and walked out of the alley dramatically. Karisawa-sensei nodded knowingly at him. She then lifted seven fingers. Mikado understood. He got a seven out of ten score for this level. He had much work ahead of him.

Yumisaki though was left very distraught. In fact he was in borderline denial at this point, trying to tell himself that the thoughts he had running through his mind were probably just side effects from the various BL animes and mangas Karisawa had subject him to. However when he looked up at her, she only gave him that knowing smile. He actually had no idea what that was supposed to mean, but he knew that it probably wasn't anything good.

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><p>"Hmm, the results weren't as good as I wanted...," Mikado mumbled to himself. He wanted a result with an impact! A ten out of ten! But Mikado knew that he'd need more experience before reaching such a level of awesomeness. Before he escaped the alley, Sensei had notified him that his next mission was to go and find his own target. That's what he should be doing right now!<p>

...Although...as he really thought about it, was making out with people really the right way to become a badass? Sure Karisawa-sensei's words were quite reasonable and inspirational, but something really nagged at Mikado about this whole business. This nagging feeling...could it be his morals? Or perhaps his devotion to the bespectacled diva? Point was Mikado then slapped himself in the face to clear out his doubts. He wanted to find out once and for all if making out with men was more exciting than making out with women, and he wasn't gonna stop 'till he got this whole thing sorted out.

...Though the more Mikado thought about it, the more he became confused about what exactly his goal was. Well forget the goal! The only thing to think of is the action, not the thinking. He was going to take action! Forget thinking!

And then came someone Mikado recognized.

"Get sushi! Russian sushi here has discount today! Delicious sushi gives soft skin and cures sadness!"

Mikado saw the towering black man and gulped. He would die before even considering it, since Simon-san was old enough to be his father! In fact, Simon-san could be his new father! His Ikebukuro father!

"Simon-san!"

"Oh, Mikado-kun! Did you come for sushi today?" Simon-san gave his usual reassuring smile. It touched Mikado's heart.

"Ah, actually, I was wondering...," Mikado gulped again. This was it! "Can I call you father?"

There was a bit of silence. Then Simon-san replied, "You can if you want to, but I do not see why you would want to. Maybe you need to eat some sushi to relax your mind."

"You know what, I'll do just that, Father!" Mikado gave the most confident look he had ever shown before Simon. Simon was impressed.

"Well okay then. Enjoy your sushi!" He smiled at Mikado. "Enjoy as much sushi as you can afford, my son."

The two stared at each other as if having just reunited after years of suffering and separation. Mikado then entered the sushi restaurant.

Much to his rather mellow surprise, many familiar faces were gathered in that there sushi place. That being one Heiwajima Shizuo and that famous actor guy that Mikado saw on TV a lot.

...Wait what.

"Welcome!" said the sushi owner man. He was looking as cool as ever.

Mikado felt a bit brave and decided to take a seat next to Shizuo. He ordered a simple plate of Today's Special and mustered his courage to make his first attack! "Ah, hello, Shizuo-san!"

Shizuo-san turned to look at him. He then narrowed his eyebrows a bit. "Aaah you're that...Ryuugamine kid, right." It was more of a statement than an answer. And Mikado decided that this was the best opportunity to analyze Shizuo-san in a new light!

The results of the analysis were that Shizuo-san was quite the stellar looking guy. In fact, perhaps he was even bishounen. Well not as bishounen as the guy next to him, that's for sure.

"So you want something or what," asked Shizuo-san. It seems he wasn't pleased by this disturbance.

"Um well, you happened to be here so I thought I'd say hello!" Mikado was just going to wing it from this point...although he wasn't sure if he was going in the right direction at all.

"Really." Shizuo-san didn't seem too irritated by the comment, so Mikado decided that he was on the right track after all.

"Are you one of Aniki's friends?" Mikado then realized that the movie star bishounen guy was also looking at him.

"Err, I think we're more like acquaintances, but it would be nice to be friends!"

A sushi plate was placed before him. It didn't look too much like normal Japanese sushi, but Mikado was already used to that at this point. He decided to nervously place one piece into his mouth.

The bishounen's gaze nearly made Mikado's heart stop, but eventually the gaze seemed to subside. "A friend of Aniki's is a friend of mine," he finally said. His words seemed kind, but his face didn't seem to show anything. It was almost unnerving.

"Haha, I see. So you're Shizuo-san's brother?"

"That's right."

For some reason Mikado was becoming more nervous as the conversation went. Though suddenly, Sensei's words repeated in his mind. '_A real badass would instantly take control of this conversation! There is no fear when it comes to being an Overlord!_' Although she had never really said that, Mikado just _knew_ that she would be saying that just then if she were there.

"Well, it sure is nice to be brothers, isn't it! I've never had siblings so I envy your closeness!" His voice was louder than before, and confidence exuded from his very pores.

Shizuo and his brother just stared.

"Well my name is Ryuugamine Mikado! It's nice to meet you, Shizuo-san's brother!" He extended his hand. Like a boss.

Shizuo's brother accepted that hand. "I'm Kasuka." They shook.

Mikado then placed a hand on Shizuo's shoulder and looked him straight in the eyes. "Shizuo-san, I've always wanted to tell you that I respect you. I feel you are a very impressive person, and you're effort of keeping Ikebukuro Izaya-free is very admirable."

Shizuo was at a loss for words. Or more like he just didn't know what to think seeing as someone was flattering him during his Kasuka time. The facts weren't computing.

Kasuka's eyes seemed to light up (or at least Mikado liked to think that) a bit at his words. "You're right. I also feel Aniki is a very admirable person."

Things seemed to be progressing smoothly. Thank god Shizuo seemed to be in a complacent mood today. Probably since it was Kasuka time, but whatever. Shizuo was about to say something but Mikado interrupted him again. "Shizuo-san, I feel we don't have much in common, but we should form some strong bonds! We should become...friends! Maybe even brothers! Blood brothers!"

Mikado actually didn't know what the hell he was talking about, but it also seemed no one else did. Except Kasuka that is. "I'm glad to see Aniki making friends." He stared at the two blankly. It was still very unnerving. Shizuo though seemed to be a bit flustered.

"Ah well, uh sure we can be friends. I don't know about blood brothers though." He seemed more concentrated on Kasuka than on Mikado, but that wasn't really important. What was important was that Mikado got the brother's approval! That was a step he didn't quite expect to happen today (much less actually meeting Shizuo's brother in the first place, or Shizuo for that matter), but whatever! Things were going good.

The three ate sushi and had a great discussion about Shizuo (much to Shizuo's dismay). Mikado's heart was filled with warmth (although that was probably from the alcohol he accidentally downed), and he left the sushi place with a smile. He said good night to Father and scampered off home, fully satisfied with his progress! He didn't make a win, but he got past a hurdle. Or something like that. In fact Mikado didn't really know what he was doing, but he felt he'd made progress anyhow.

The biggest win was that he now had Shizuo's cell phone address. And Kasuka's. It was amazing. Mikado had never felt prouder in his life. Except for yesterday's win over Izaya that is.

For now though, he would just be hitting home. After leaving the sushi place, he realized he'd spent quite some time there, so the sky was already getting dim. Maybe he would just slip into bed early and wake up for a new amazing day of great progress.

The fact was though, that Mikado spent the next four hours playing Pokemon while lying on the floor.

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><p>End of chapter 3!<p>

Oh sweet, beautiful progress~ I hope this was enjoyable! Although it's already past curfew so...I'm tired. A lot of the events in this chapter were probably results of my foggy mind. I think next chapter I'll have Mikado get topped for once. Though we'll see! I'm hoping to crank out a new chapter sometime before summer ends, so watch out for updates! Hahaha yeah. I'm just writing whenever I feel like it, so be glad that it's summer! I have too much free time for my own good.


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